So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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