well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
