I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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