did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
