He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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