does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Randomize
