so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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