im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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