I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
