D3 body, D1 cock
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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