White coat. Heels.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
