So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
