It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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