im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Are my feet made of real feet?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
We have started to decorate penises.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
