Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
