Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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