That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
