I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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