The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
