I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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