How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
