I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
