They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
