perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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