You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize