Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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