Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
