u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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