I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
