The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
