i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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