ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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