My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
