No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So much rum. So many feels.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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