Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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