I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
