um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize