"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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