would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
