Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
