I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
