I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
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