508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sext me about skeletons
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
