how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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