Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize