I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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