If i could tip my vagina, i would.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
