I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
