you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
