looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
