Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
