That's intense
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
