can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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