That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
