I want to make a zoo with you.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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