I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
