Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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