You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
