I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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