She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
