He felt like a one man threesome
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
