How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
