I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
