My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
