Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
