Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
