does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
