Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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