I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize